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17.04.12

Shift in Troll Populations “Cause for Concern”

Posted in Pagan News at 2:24 pm

Leading experts have expressed concern over the growing proportion of the UK troll population which is now taking up residence on the internet.

The destruction and disturbance of the trolls’ natural habitats through activities such as urban expansion and fracking has meant that, like so many creatures before them – red foxes, pigeons and feral chickens included – trolls are finding themselves under pressure to find new homes and new sources of food. This has resulted in increasing numbers of trolls making their way onto the internet. Whilst sightings of the elusive internet-troll were once rare, they are increasinly becoming a familiar sight:
They’re everywhere I look these days,” internet user Mona Lott told The Burning Times, “I can barely check my e-mails without coming across one of them. Something needs to be done now before things get out of hand!

Like city foxes internet trolls are generally considered to be problematic, but there are fears that some internet-goers will deliberately leave out food for them in the misguided belief that these internet-invaders are endearing. Unfortunately, this practice will most likely lead to an explosion in population size, further exacerbating the problem and making trapping and culls necessary in the future.

Of course, the internet is not the only potential habitat open to trolls; plans are already underway to troll-proof London Underground tunnels during next week’s planned strike action. An inside source confessed to our reporter that there were fears that the generally slow-witted and ugly creatures may already have infiltrated the tunnels, unnoticed, via station platforms.

Underground passengers are encouraged to report any sightings.

Reported by: M. K. Rish

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1 Comment »

  1. Kent Heathen 65 said,

    08.11.13 at 5:47 pm

    Hailsa one and all!
    In reference to the above article on wandering trolls, it should also be noted that the bridges in this country are under review to to test their strength and condition. Particular attention is being paid to the Forth and Severn bridges. Activity in these regions could lead to large outbreaks of troll migration! Further tests on older bridges may well lead to evidence of more widespread troll activity.
    The ‘slow witted and ugly’ creatures mentioned in the article appear to have had a strong hold on the banks of the Thames( well known for its many bridges) for many years, appearing only to pillage free lunches and for their weekly shouting contest ‘prime ministers questions’!
    The public is urged to check their local bridges for ‘troll-sign , (scattered food remains and an expenses claim form). This menace cannot be allowed to spread!
    As for me, I’m off to sharpen my axe!!!

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