Witch Weight Watchers calls for Urgent Investigation

Posted in Pagan News at 1:58 pm

Leading weight loss management group Witch Weight Watchers have voiced concerns over reports of weak broomsticks breaking under the weight of modern witches with potentially fatal consequences. “Many of our members have suffered serious injury as a result of this,” Madame Dundee, company spokeswoman said. When asked by Burning Times if perhaps this was because the witches were too overweight for the broomsticks in question, Madame Dundee’s triple chins wobbled in indignation. “Our members weight has nothing to do with this, it’s the broomsticks at fault and I want the government to investigate this as a matter of some urgency.”

Our Burning Times reporter interviewed Albert Fletcher of Leeds, a master craftsman of broomsticks who says that there are several reasons for this. “Many witches just won’t spend their brass on buying craftsman made broomsticks, the silly buggers prefer to buy cheap imports from Taiwan or worse still copy them daft DIY programmes on t’ telly to make their own. Then they wonder why they become croppers.” He sighed shaking his head, “We never had this trouble in t’war,” he said, “People had to get by in them days with rationing and the like, it’s this bloody penchant for Wiccan cakes and ale milarkey that I blame. Broad arses just don’t fit so well anymore on the broomsticks.”

Maureen ‘Melons’ Mimblebee from London agrees telling our reporter, “I was in such fear of toppling off my broomstick that I had to lean forward to use my ample bosom to help me balance” she said indicating a huge upright bosom that almost appeared to defy gravity. “My poor pussy was having to grip so tightly to stay on that broomstick that all her hair was standing on end and she was sore for days afterwards. She’s never known such trauma, you could hear the broomstick breaking as we flew through the air. We crash landed in a haystack.”

Our Burning Times reporter will be investigating further into this matter, the broomsticks that is not the condition of Ms Mimblebee’s pussy.

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