08.10.08

Whispering Knights Cause Shouts of Protest

Posted in Pagan News at 7:31 am by Rose Kelly

Following a string of complaints from Rollright residents, our reporter under-cover Wanda Wagglewad headed to this once sleepy rural village to investigate.

The village of Great Rollright has for many centuries been the epitome of quintessentially British peach and tranquillity. Sitting atop the border of Oxfordshire and Warwickshire it has long attracted antiquarians from across the country to admire its ancient stone circle.

All of this changed last month however when residents began to complain in their droves of late-night noise and rowdy behaviour from the once whispering Knights.

These stones of old make up part of a ritual burial mound in the field adjacent to the main circle. It has been common knowledge throughout ages past that at midnight each night these gentle giants roll down to the stream to drink before tucking in for the night.

No one is quite sure why, but residents report that as of last month the stones have deviated from their usual routine. Instead of going to the stream to drink, they have been going further afield, to the Blue Boar at Chipping Norton.

One villager who does not wish to be named for fear of reprisals sated: “They come home at all hours, such a racket they make, they wake the whole village up.”

Another local man explained “I was almost killed last week by one rolling home drunk. Right down the middle of the road he came, singing something about not getting no satisfaction.”

One possible motive for such raucous behaviours has been blamed on the increase in donations made to the site. Professor Dibblington of Antiquated Stone Studies at nearby Oxford University explained:

“In the old days people weren’t so rich, or ‘bling’ if you like, they would visit the stones and maybe leave ten pence or a small piece of crystal in an orifices as an offering. It wasn’t much but it was of huge sentimental value. Today people earn far more money and don’t think twice about stuffing a fiver into their pocket or leaving a valuable time-piece, such as a Cartier wrist watch.”

Professor Dibblington’s theory is that the Knights have been cashing in these valuable offerings to fund their drinking binges and suggests that the only way to curb this trend would be to give the offering to a committee of villagers who can ensure that the money is used to rehabilitate and detox the stones rather than giving it directly to the stones which only fuels the problem.

The troubles came to a head last year when the Knights returned home so drunk that they decided to play a practical joke on their neighbouring stones by coating them in red paint. This caused huge national outrage and many thousands of pound were spent in clean-up operations and counselling.

Locals are worried that if the binging remains unchecked, worse is to follow.

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