23.05.07

Financial Update

Posted in Pagan News at 12:39 pm by Belladonna

The latest updates from the floors of the international Pagan financial centres of Glastonbury, Uluru and Los Angeles.

The WITCHY ended the day down 20 points following news that the Carlyon Corp. had unexpected end year expenses for paternity suits and payments for term time holidays to Florida with the “girls”.

Crystal Futures continue strong growth on rumours of a merger of two of the world’s larges crystal production companies. Gaia Strip Mining Ltd and Mother Earth Minerals have both confirmed that they are in talks to form a new company called Pagans 4 Profits Inc. Both companies are currently negotiating with the US Government for the rights to dig up Alaska for the estimated 20kg of precious healing crystals thought to be buried under some worthless polar bears and scenery.

The markets were shocked by the announcement that Chairman of the Druid Corporation of Great Britain, David Icke, and the Chairman of the Great British Corporation of Druids, David Blane, were actually really good mates who agreed about most things. In fact they are planning to go for a couple of pints after work on Friday and maybe a few games of pool. The Chairman of Druids R Us commented, “Pool?! Utter bollocks! Darts is a man’s game!”

Trading in Magick Commodities has been suspended pending an investigation into the correct spelling of Magick/Magic, the result of which is expected with three to four hundred years.

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